Dear Mommy,

 

Thank you…

Thank you for the endless nights of watching over me, thank you for grabbing my hand when I was scared, thank you for the countless laughs we had when I was little. I always remember our Saturday morning routines that turned into cleaning and dancing to the Bee Gees. I love the fact that I can still smell the scrambled eggs, and feel the humidity of our apartment on my skin. I can hear the blender going as you would make us vanilla banana milkshakes. The cold ice cream sure did hit the spot on those hot Miami days. I remember waking up early on the weekends during the summer, and heading to Halover Beach. I loved rolling into the empty parking lot and feeling like we could choose any spot. It was one of my favorite things to do, I loved that we would have picnics on those days at the beach.  I wish I knew how special our beach was, now living in North Carolina, I truly do  miss those bath tub water filled beaches.. I know you can relate.

Thank you for guiding me, when I didn’t want to be guided. Being a teenager is tough, ya know.  All I ever wanted to do was just fit in.. I know you taught us to stand out and be are own people. But, when your the one minority in your school, all you want to do is stand out. Even with my personal struggles, you still pushed for success and to prove I wasn’t like everyone else. I was told I wasn’t a princess but a leader, I was told I was going to be great, not mediocre. I was told to reach for the stars, because they were waiting for me to hold onto to.  I know I thought I knew everything at my young age of maturity, and sometimes I still think I truly convinced myself that I was already an adult.

Only now to realize, I was just a kid, and sometimes wish I could escape to that age again for your serenity and peace on all things real. Those days were easy. I had you to make all my decisions, and to verify my judgements..  Thank you for not being a helicopter parent, but being a parent. It’s weird that I have to verify this, but yes, a parent. It was okay to reprimand me. Those moments have made me a better person, knowing right from wrong. And knowing how to act in public, even still today..I hold my hands behind my back when entering a furniture or jewelry store. I still even remember not to use public restrooms, because we were taught it’s not nice to christen other people’s bathrooms when you visit their home 🙂 I still say yes sir, no sir.. and the thought of you being mad at me, still truly breaks my heart and I feel like I can’t function till I know we are okay. But what still gets me, is hearing you were disappointed in me and not mad.. boy does that crush a kid’s spirit. I guess that’s how you got us to really know what was wrong from right. So, I guess you did a great job there!

Thank you for loving me when I was annoying and clingy. Yes, I should have just let you go to the bathroom, but I mean why deprive you of the memories of my little hands beneath the bathroom, asking and pondering when you would open the door and be done in there. Needless to say, you taught me that parents have no privacy, and I’m sorry about that one. Here’s hoping that I can experience that little piece of heaven one day too =)

But, forth most.. I want to say that I know being a parent is a hard job. Probably the hardest job you have ever encountered, or tackled. Not only did you tackle this job once, but you decided to do it again when you had me. Having two girls was hard for a single parent, but you made it seem easy. You never showed weakness and I appreciate you hiding that from me. We never were hungry, and I enjoyed all my special treats you provided for me. You never showed hardships, and I’m glad I thought I had everything that I needed. Yes, I often didn’t act like that, when asking for the latest and greatest Nike Shoes, or wanting to go to a special amusement park…but I think of the counter memories I have, and I hold onto those more so than I would ever hold onto the material items that I could have received.

 

So, in closing..

You are my light, when I’m sad and feel in the dark. I hold onto that because even though you say I’m your sunshine, God really gave me you as my sunshine.

I can only hope to hold a light to the one you have already provided for me,

Love you always.

 

Happy Mother’s day….